Tuesday, November 8, 2011

His Speech Is Delayed But He Says My Name Perfectly

Apparently I'm an intrusive parent. The kind that says,
 "Play with it like this."
 "Come on say it."
 "Color over here....not there."

I learned that intrusive parenting is basically the insistence of learning and is to the benefit of the parent rather the child. Well, what am I supposed to do? I'm a left-brain person and technically driven. Boy, its been such a learning experience, having to communicate with someone who can't really communicate back. I'm having a really hard time not getting frustrated with his speech. He's in speech therapy. Most kids his age have 50 words and when a kid has about 50 words, they naturally are making 2-word sentences or phrases. He has about 35+ words and rarely/almost never makes sentences. A lot of times I blame myself and feel like he could learn more elsewhere, but my husband always tries to comfort me by telling me I'm doing a great job and he'll say more when he's ready.

Parents who don't stay at home don't really have to worry about their kid's speech solely being their responsibility because kids learn loads at daycare. My very close friend's daughter has a former teacher at her daycare center, so you can imagine the things she learns and says! I'm not a teacher and don't have the mind or verbiage of one. I have the mind and verbiage of a tutor (which I have been post-college) and this is probably where my problem comes in. I know my pressure and frustration only delays his progress. Among the 35+ things he says, my name "Deia" is one that he says SO clearly, smh. Wth.

I've learned to let him lead how we play as long as he's not writing on the floor or just throwing everything. And I'll have to just stop comparing his speech progress with other kids (of friends kids and my 24-yo competing neighbor). Instead of complaining about having to talk so much, I'll just have to keep talking and describing everything until he finally feels comfortable enough to say the things he feels he can't. Besides, when we compare, we always come out on the losing end.

Do you have any recommendations for me? How did you or would you handle your [almost] 2-yr old's speech progress?


  1. You know what??? My friends lil boy wasn't "talking" when he turned 2....but he understood EVERYTHING. Get the ball. Bring it to me. Go get your shoes, etc....and outta of nowhere. Actually, he began MDO in August...and since then, homeboy is all words. It's crazy. Don't worry....he will, and his words will....come around. Much love.

  2. The best thing is to try not to worry too much. A lot of kids who are "stay-at-home" tend to be a bit a behind on speech, as you may know (especially little boys). My 2 yr old was a little behind as well. Just when were going to start the speech therapy, oneday it just seemed like he exploded with words. So we decided to wait and now we're at a place where there is no more worry. Some of it I think just comes when the child is good and ready. Just continue to talk to him lots, read to him, and I've found when he's not around us (when family members are babysitting) he communicates with then more because he has to. Mommy's not there to read his mind. haha I seriously wouldn't worry to much if I were you.

  3. I work with two year olds each Sunday morning and they really are on EVERY level. I have noticed that many of the girls are talking a lot sooner and clearer and can hold an entire conversation. Also, studies have shown that if you keep the TV off (even if you're not watching it, turn it off) that your child can develop speech skills sooner and have a larger vocabulary. Just be patient, read to him, and continue to talk to him ALL the time. Oh, and point things out and talk about them.

  4. Aww D, my lil girl say's things here and there and I feel that way sometimes, but I have to remember kids kinda will do it all in their own time.. She understand's everything, even know's parts to movies, etc, but wouldn't really talk. I always think, weird, she's a girl, she should be doing all these things by now and she does mostly at school but it's a whole different Sia when she's home, could it be that I'm giving in to her pointing and making her lazy in not choosing to use her words..? I'm trying so hard to get her out this phase, lil by lil, when I ignore the pointing and whining, it happens and I smile and stop worrying.. It'll happen, just keep calm and keep pushing lil by lil : )) xoxo..

  5. Oh i will ask my friend who is a speech pathologist and forward you some ideas!

  6. My youngest walked late and talked late...now he never slows down and talks all the time! I understand your concerns but it sounds like you are already doing what needs to be done with him being in speech therapy...just give him time.

  7. Girl! First of all, lets not even talk about me who didn't speak full sentences till I was three!!! (look at me now, can't.shut.up lol)

    Secondly, My son did not have 50 words @ the brink of two. He had his *own* language that only I understood. (funny how that works right?) Then, all of a sudden at around 2 y 4 mos his vocab exploded out of no where, and everyday he says something new....in sentences no less. Its tough to be patient, especially when I met a toddler wayyy younger than my son at daycare that came up to me and introduced herself and asked me my name! (wth!) I was floored! But you can't get distracted by these super kids. :) Just stay focused on your baby.

    Trust me, I really didn't talk till I was three and my mom reminds me (everyday) about it. Just hold on mama! Breakthrough is a commin!

  8. Oh how I feel your pain and frustration. I too find it so hard not to compare to other children. My sister shared such a great quote with me that almost haunts me, "Comparison is the thief of Joy". How many special moments have I missed worrying and comparing his progress to other children and my own expectations. As hard as it is, I suppose we just need to help them where we can and let them progress at their own pace. 35 words is great and you are an amazing mother. hang in there and just keep on truckin'.

  9. It's hardest when it's our children.

    You'll have to change your way of thinking to get your focus on just being there.

    You said he is in speech therapy. Can they suggest anything that you an follow up with at home to help?

  10. @Meli - My boy understands EVERYthing! I know the words will come eventually. Thanks!

    @Nik - Reading his mind has been the downfall from jump ha! Thanks for your words!

    @TiAnna - We only do 2 hrs of tv and the rest is reading, playing coloring, etc. Not tv related, but moreso when he's ready. Just wishing he was ready NOW!

    @Mrs. Pancakes - You are the best for asking your friend. Thanks for letting me know what she said too!

    @Alida - Thanks for sharing your experience. Kinda eased my mind.

    @Nellie - Lol...you're too funny. I'll be that mom too, ha! I hope my boy will be on the same track as yours. Their stories sound the same! Floored is just how I feel when I hear some other kids but I got faith on this breakthrough! Thanks!

    @Munchie - You said this perfectly and I really heard it. No more comparing for me and more patience. Thanks a million for those words.

    @JSpice - After all the words of encouragement, I'm gonna change my thinking. The main thing they tell me that I don't do is to not get frustrated and upset. :-/ I'm getting better because of this post and reading about other moms with similar situations.

  11. I don't have any advice, since my baby is only 9 months, but it sounds like you got a lot of good feedback.

    Good luck with your little guy! He is adorable!

  12. Is intrusive parenting the actual term? If so...wow; that's kind of harsh. It's hard not to intrude/wish he would say more, I know, but he will. If they're giving you guidance of what not to do, though, I'd say just heed that as best you can. Continue to talk to him, describing everything you see or are doing. And like you said, it's not really a comprehension issue, so chalk it up maybe to all kids being different. Sure "most" almost 2 yo's have 50 words. Who's to say that he won't surpass those same kids when he's 3? Hang in there (and definitely cut out the comparisons (easier said than done, I know. Just wait until it's potty training time (cue fun)). My youngest is 2 and although he does talk a lot, he was a late walker. So, there'll always be something we'll find to worry about.

    Just remember to come back to this post and add an addendum when you're telling him to be quiet. ;o)

  13. I can so relate to all you have shared. The biggest lessons for me as a parent is firstly not to compare my son with others like his sister, and to accept him for who he is, slowness and all. Some days are better than other for me as he is in special classes for children with Dyslexia. Thank you so much for sharing.

    Lisa x

  14. One of my sisters-in-law went through a similar problem with her now 6yo. She was frustrated most of the time, but she was doing a great job and she just had to let things be. As your husband said don't worry because you are doing a great job and your little boy will start saying more when he's ready.

    All the best dear.


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