Disbelief, shock and disconnected.
That was my initial reaction to the tragedy that happened on December 14th in Newtown, Connecticut. All I could think about is why someone would do something like that. Of course in these situations, that's a never-ending question that never gets an answer.
I'm usually skimming my phone checking emails, Twitter and Facebook, but this past week and a half, the time I spent perusing my phone was to read articles and updates on the tragedy that took place.
Still disconnected, I had to know every update.....that is until the names of the children were released. I read stories of the teachers and Principal's heroic acts and shook my head in disbelief.
I read the names of the victims in an emotionally disconnected state just once.
We traveled to our home state for an extended weekend to have our Christmas visit with family when this tragedy took place, so even though this news was on every television of every house that we visited, I was disconnected to it.
Probably because I was trying to keep my boys from breaking anything and reminding them to cough into their elbows, share and say "Thank you."
By the end of our trip, I had a hard time looking at their names and my natural reaction was to turn away, look away, change the channel or close my browser. Well the pain of what happened finally made its connection to my heart after I dropped off my kids at their childcare/school. I ran some last minute Christmas errands and then found myself rushing to pick them up. While I was speeding to get to their school early, I felt the anxiety that parents around the world are feeling.
I said a prayer for all of the victims as well as for my kids' safety. Since I've allowed the tragedy to 'connect,' I've been crying like a baby when I think about ALL of the victims and all of their families, especially when I see the children's names written on Christmas ornaments.
I'm still in disbelief and shock but now I'm connected, and I hope that you are too.
If you've ever read the book The Shack and envisioned the innocent little girl playing with Jesus after her life had been taken from her, then you have a vivid idea of what the children and teachers are doing in Heaven.
And if you read that book, that amazing book, then I'm sure you bawled through that part of the story like me.
The last of the victims were laid to rest this weekend. Say an extra prayer of thanks for your loved ones tonight. Though life isn't always easy, its certainly more precious than we realize.